If I gave a lightening talk at the Selenium Conference…

Imagine that it is long ago in a galaxy far, far away, on a doomed planet.  You are a vulcan tester.  Unfortunately you have been tragically rendered a paraplegic.  Your rehabilitation as a paraplegic vulcan tester in a galaxy far, far away involves a virtual self in an automated testing environment.  This talk addresses evidence found in the “ark of truth” gleaned by paraplegic vulcan testers being rehabilitated by living through a virtual self in an automated test environment everywhere (come on, we all know how frakking ubiquitous this situation is.)

Truth #1;
Selenium IDE is like the People magazine of automated testing.  Everyone uses it, but nobody wants to admit it.  Not even Adam Goucher.

Truth #2:
Using a percentage in your prsentation slide is 602% effective as long it is large, flashing and contains absolutely no hard numbers to back up the claim you are making.

Truth #3:
Idea is so beloved that anybody who uses a text editor as lowly as Textmate, especially in their presentation will be shunned.  Let’s all have a group hug on this while Idea takes it’s sweet mother-frakking time to load.  Again.  Ok, now let’s all go get a coffee and give the bitch a few more minutes.

Truth#4:
The wisdom of Bret Pettichord emits from the cowboy hat.

Truth #5:
The Saucelabs awesome sauce will eat the copper off of a penny and cause an explosion if added to Diet Coke.  (Be the first to capture it on YouTube!)

Truth #6:
Betty Ford is launching an experimental twitter addiction rehab program and has scheduled an intervention for everyone sitting at the table of trouble.

Truth #7:
You can only have a lightening talk at the Selenium Conference if a. you’re Canadian b. you’ve already given a talk c. you’ve got pictures of cats.

Truth #8:
If 300 people show up…then Monday really *is* the first day of ur conference.

Truth #9:
If you put thread.sleep() in your selenium talk, you will get heckled.

Truth #10:
Don’t ask Simon to include anything in Selenium 2 or the answer will be no (especially if it involves Github).