The grassy roots of growing developer skills with Growstuff

In my last post, I wrote about how I’m transitioning into a development role.  A big part of that transition has been working on the Growstuff open source project led by Alex “Skud” Bayley and they are in the last few days of their IndieGoGo campaign to fund API development by Frances Hocutt.

This Summer, I got to meet both Alex and Francis, although I had been following Alex for quite a while on Twitter and I was first introduced to Francis through her beautiful writing for Model View Culture.  Allow me to introduce you to our feminist corner of open source.

Screen Shot 2014-10-18 at 1.05.02 PM

Food Stuffs:
Growstuff is an open source platform that helps connect people who are growing their own food which people do for many reasons.  Aside from the pleasure of gardening, growing your own food means that your food will likely contain more nutrients.  In areas where a good supply of high quality produce choices is lacking, it can allow you to grow produce that you otherwise would not be able to find.  It is also a way to shortcut the cost and expenditure of fuel needed to transport vegetables from farm to store to your home.

If this has peaked your interest about the benefits of food gardening, this Mother Jones article is a great in-depth look at the benefits for you and for the planet of growing your own food.

Open Source, Technology and Learning Stuffs:
Open Source and Good Software Engineering are two things that, I have learned, cannot always be put together in the same sentence.  There are good, non-trivial reasons for this.  Open source projects typically have to be distributed which means fewer opportunities to pair and fewer opportunities to mentor.  It also means a project might have to compromise on good engineering if it wants to move forward.

That said, one of the paths to web development, the path that I am following, is to write code for an open source project (Not everyone has the privilege of time and money required for a “bootcamp”). This creates the conundrum of learning good software habits and finding a project that is willing to work with intermediate web developers who are slower and will need help.

Growstuff has solved this problem by adopting a focus on agile and learning culture.  It is ok to ask questions.  Pull requests are not eviscerations.  Everything is organized between a wiki, Pivotal  Tracker and Discourse.  Pairing and TDD are emphasized wherever possible.  The CI is kept green.

I feel safe here.  That is an accomplishment.

Feminist Stuffs:
Encouraging diversity in tech is about so much more than teaching kids and also grownups to code and love computers.  There are a lot of efforts right now to help women and other diverse groups learn how to code, but there is a dirth of places for an intermediate engineer to go after they’ve done tutorials and small side projects.

With my intermediate skills, I put out feelers for writing code and helping out in a few places and was pretty shocked at some of the places that proved, shall we say, less than welcoming.

Growstuff has been the place that has finally let me work on some code.  I’m slow, I have to work with a pair, and sometimes I really don’t know what I’m doing, but that is ok.  I know that whatever I end up contributing will be something the project needs that will be of value for users.  This means the world to me.

The reason why Growstuff is running their funding campaign is to bring on Frances Hocutt as an api developer.  I had the privilege of meeting Frances along with her mentor, Sumana Harihareswara this Summer at the AdaCamp conference in Portland.  They both helped me immensely with the guts of a talk I did this Summer with Ryan Dy on mentoring.

You can help!

If the news about diversity in tech feels overly depressing or intractable, throwing a few dollars at the Growstuff campaign is a very direct way to encourage support for women who, against the odds, have kept going and will keep going in tech.  I’m including myself in this category and hope you’ll give to this project that has already given so much to me.

My role in the new world of testing

tweet about testing

 

Some tweets are like a Rorshach test and it’s much easier for people to project onto them what they want to see. This tweet is such a case. The quote can be interpreted in a few ways, all of them insulting. It really hits the tester nerve, especially for testers who take pride in their testing skills and have worked to make them better. I can see how it especially hits the nerve of testers who have worked to set themselves and the activity of testing apart from development as its own industry and job role with its own set of skills.

 

It makes sense that the natural reaction to this is to reach for pride and say, “I’m a tester, FUCK YEAH!!!”

 

What’s been missed, though, is that this tweet was part of a mini-rant. I was actually going for something more complicated that speaks to where testing is going within the broader context of the software industry and my place in that paradigm shift.

 

The Fun
Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the fun side of testing that we all know and love so well. We poke, we break, we question, we investigate, we discover. It’s fun!

 

The Baggage

Now, let’s examine the rest of what comes with a career in testing:

  • You will be seen as an also ran.
  • Developers (or management that doesn’t work with you day to day) will see you as not that smart or technical unless you get a chance to prove them wrong.
  • There is significantly less opportunity for promotion, especially as “testing departments” get smaller or go away completely.
  • Even if you learn how to write code, it’s assumed you will only ever work on test code and that your code will be shittier.
  • You will have far less decision power.
  • You will be paid less.

 

I’m sure there are people who would argue that the subset of baggage listed above doesn’t mean much in comparison to how much they loooooove testing and the pleasure they take in breaking things. If they want to stay in “testing” forever, that’s fine with me.

 

I disagree, however, that I should be content with less pay, a smaller set of career options and a position where I’m consistently marginalized on a team or even in tech.

 

Another testing tweet

 

It also occurs to me that the women’s restrooms at testing conferences are always crowded compared to the ghost town that is the women’s bathroom at any tech office or developer conference. There is no mystery here.

 

I started my rant because I had occasion to send someone I respect two of my favorite testing posts by Trish Khoo and Alan Page. When Trish and Alan suggest that testing teams are going away, that testing is an activity done by many on a software team and that testers should level up their coding skills, I see a role coming into focus where I am more empowered and more of an equal on a software team. I see a role where I’m even more in the thick of the software engineering process than I already am. I see a role that uses my testing skills and develops my problem solving skills as well. I see myself as a developer who is great at testing. One feeds the other and I am making great software as part of a team.  All of this fits particularly well in the Agile XP process which includes TDD.

 

I’ve been working at building my web developer skills and I’ve found a team where this type of contribution will be welcome. It hasn’t been easy and this is all still a work in progress, but I can see the tipping point fast approaching.

 

 No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanore Roosevelt

 

By the way, the short-sighted person quoted in my original tweet wasn’t a developer. It was another tester.  I am surrounded by developers who see what I’m doing and who couldn’t be more supportive.

 

Now that you have the full story, let’s look at my tweet again.

 

tweet about testing

I just want to add…watch me.

Changing the World with a Breath and a Test

Today is Friday and it’s time to relaaaaaax.

Chilling out in tech can be so hard sometimes.  There are so many places the stress comes from, I don’t even feel the need to explain it because it exists for all of us in one form or another.  Yes, you can say, “that’s life,” however, I feel it’s intensified to a fever pitch in tech almost every day at even the best workplaces.

As I worked on finding ways to chip away at my personal incarnation of stress, I began to think of how a web app could address the larger topic of workplace stress and chilling out when you need it the most.  I won’t ask you to raise your hand if you’ve suffered anxiety at work, because I now assume that most of us do.  This was on my mind as I was doing lots of testing of text fields for my job such as names, comments and descriptions.  Testing text fields often involves pasting some text into those fields, usually from a dummy text generator commonly referred to as an ipsum generator.

Every tester has their favorite Ipsum, from the meats of Bacon Ipsum to the irony of Hipster Ipsum or even the NSFW Samuel L. Ipsum.  One day as I was pasting another lengthy sheaf of text while taking some deep breaths, it occurred to me that it might be helpful to see the meditative phrases I’m often muttering to myself staring out at me through my test data.

This is how I came to build the app I’m releasing today, Relax Ipsum.  I built it with help from friend and javascript developer, Ryan Dy.  It’s a fairly simple, straightforward, static app that uses HTML, CSS and Javascript with a guest appearance from JQuery.  You can look at the source here.  In the process of building this app and working together on some other JS projects, Ryan taught me a lot about thinking in Javascript vs. Java (the language that began my programming journey), test driving code and taking Javascript from tutorial-grade to a real-world implementation.  

Our mentoring relationship has been the difference between me putting this app in your hands vs. me building another fake twitter cobbled together from web tutorials and stack overflow.  That’s power.  Having someone tell me that, yes, I can do this even if I feel like an idiot, is a machete cutting deep into imposter syndrome.  I carried this confidence with me to AdaCamp where I discussed the power of mentoring with others who have had similar experiences with mentoring and I even helped some people get started on their own web development journey.

I feel like Ryan and I discovered the path to change the world. The folks organizing this year’s Cascadia.js conference agree that we are onto something.  Ryan and I will be talking about Hacking Mentor.js at this year’s Cascadia.js conference in Portland.

In the meantime, let’s take a deep, everybody-chill-out-we-made-it-to-Friday breath.

The Conversation of Code Review: Using Satir modes to improve your code review skills

I recently got to see a terrific talk about Better Code Review by Doc Ritezel at the March SF Ruby Meetup. His slides are posted here and are worth a look. Meetup talks can be a mixed bag, but with detailed examples and useful takeaways, I found the talk itself to be that rare mixture of entertaining and thought-provoking.

Doc’s talk follows in the wake of another huge discussion about hostile workplaces, this time at Github. His presentation focused on what a positive workplace looks like and what’s missing from most workplaces in terms of code review. He first illustrated the difference between authoring and reviewing code, then covered what can go wrong on each side of the table through a few example scenarios. These scenarios were, sadly, recognizable by more than a handful of audience members. Finally, he made a few suggestions about how to modify feedback to be more positive.

If you’ve ever participated in code review, either through static comments on Github or real-time pair programming interactions, you know how easy it is to spoil someone’s day by saying the wrong thing. If you’re the author, to use Doc’s parlance, you could be working with an otherwise-great reviewer whose comments suck all the pleasure out of working with them. Likewise, it’s important as an author to know how to be open to feedback. Building software is a highly collaborative process, and understanding how giving feedback can go wrong is important.

I found myself noticing Satir Categories in some of the slides that Doc presented. One of my recent reads, “More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense,” by Suzette Haden Elgin, talks about personality categories developed by Virginia Satir, widely known as the originator of family therapy. I definitely noticed my own personality in the group. There are five categories, and you might recognize yourself in one of them, too:

The Blamer places permanent responsibility on anyone else’s shoulders. Although the Blamer could be identified by someone who loves shouting and pointing fingers, in reality the Blamer can speak with a soft voice. Professor Snape, for instance, was pretty good at cutting people down with his voice at a minimal volume.

A good way to identify the Blamer is the use of absolute language: “always,” “never,” “only,” “everybody,” “not even once” and so forth. For example, “Never use strings as hash keys,” “Only smart people use vim” or “Always use git add -p.”

It’s worth thinking through this a step further. Imagine phrases that don’t necessarily use these keywords but imply an absolute rule like: “When you don’t use git rebase, a kitten dies.” Notice that there’s an implied “Always,” like “always use git rebase.” Or maybe “these tests are so redundant,” which carries an implication that “every test should be unique.”

The Blamer’s actions universally carry a single subtext: I disagree with your code, so you should feel ashamed.

The harm that results from placing shame on another teammate, someone who is presumably making an effort to work with you on building something complex can have far-reaching consequences at the individual and the team level. These issues are beyond the scope of this post, but for now, let’s just say placing shame is something to be avoided if you want to foster collaboration.

The Placater feels quiet anxiety and fear while trying to please everyone. Playing the victim role comes naturally to the Placater, as does using appeasement to defer any decision-making responsibility. You won’t identify the Placater by tears or yelling; they’re most likely too tightly wound.

Key phrases sound like “Let’s do things your way” and “I don’t know enough about this.” What’s sad here is that the Placater really does know what they want, but doesn’t feel comfortable putting themselves in a position where they might be wrong later. After all, being wrong would open the Placater up to persecution, which they fear above all else.

The Placater’s actions have their own subtext: I wish I wasn’t here.

Okay, now imagine that the Blamer and the Placater have to do a code review. The Blamer wants to shame the Placater for disagreeable code, and the Placater takes the abuse while trying to make the Blamer like them personally. This is a dangerous dynamic to have in place because it will re-enforce the blamer’s pointy finger and make the Placater feel even more victimized than they already do. If this is happening on your team, it’s time to get some help for yourself or for your team.

The Computer, in addition to being named the same as the thing in front of you, is another Satir Category. People in Computer mode hide as much emotion as possible. Science fiction loves this part of the strong, silent masculine image such as the character Dr. Spock from Star Trek.

In hiding behind a facade of detachment, the Computer is able to avoid projecting emotions, and thus avoids placing blame on the other person. Any blame is therefore directed at the code, or something abstract. This category is marked by a lack of referenecs to “I” or “me,” or really to any person at all.

Although Doc mentions using “I” and avoiding “you” as positive takeaways in his talk, this is a half-measure compared to the total detachment of the Computer. While it has obvious utility for reviewers who are purposefully trying to avoid shaming an author, becoming the Computer can also be useful for authors dealing with the Blamer.

The Distracter cycles through Blamer, Placater and Computer giving an impression of disorganization, panic, silliness or all three. Although this mode is trickier to pin down, think about it this way:

Reviewer [Placater]: “I’m not sure, but you might want to parse out the xml here. There are a few libraries to choose from, feel free to choose any of them.” Author: “Ok, I’ll use Beautiful Soup” Reviewer [Blamer]: “No, don’t ever use Beautiful Soup.” Author: “Ok, I won’t use that one. Is there one you prefer?” Reviewer [Computer]: “There are several libraries preferred within the Python community.”

In this case, the reviewer gives the author a choice, but doesn’t support the choice being made by the author. Besides being very confusing to the author, it also puts them in a no-win situation because it doesn’t matter which action the author takes. Anything they do appears to be wrong in the eyes of the reviewer.

The Leveler matches up what they are thinking and feeling with their words and body language. This is also defined as congruence which I wrote about here. This is someone taking in the context of the situation and being straight-up about what they are saying without resorting to blamer, computer or placater mode.

The advantage of leveling is that you know you are getting an honest response upon which you can rely. The downside is that it might be very harsh or more intense than someone is ready to hear which can throw your audience off guard.

In a code review situation, this is the mode I personally appreciate even if the feedback I am getting is not puppies and kittens. Even if the reviewer is not totally happy with my work, if they can manage to avoid the other modes mentioned, it’s easier to get on with the business of correcting what needs to be fixed or to engage in more of a discussion.

What do I do with these?

  • If you feel like you are in hot water in a code review, go to computer mode. In fact, think of this as “safe mode” for your conversations. It will be harder to work through choices because you are not expressing much of an opinion, but you won’t be taking as many risks. This buys you time to figure out what’s going on or to get in touch for a face to face conversation. However, if you are speaking in Computer mode most or all of the time, it might be a sign that you are shying away from voicing an actual opinion
  • Unless you’re pretty sure that the other person is in leveling mode, don’t match Satir modes. For example, two blamers will end up in violent disagreement that will be challenging to repair. Two placaters will find it challenging to come to a decision. Two computers, well… there’s a reason why it was Captain Kirk and Spock. If Star Trek had been Spock and Spock, the Enterprise would never have undertaken a mission as risky as exploring unknown galaxies.
  • Avoid using Distractor mode as much as possible unless you deliberately want to look crazy in your code review.

Where do I even start?… It can be really hard to sustain an emotionally safe work environment. Since making software is highly collaborative, the challenge is increased even further. I am hopeful that the days of choosing CS as a major because you won’t have to work with people or talk to anyone are over, but even then, we’re still left with the fact that we are human. In fact, many of us who work in tech come from a background of being taunted at school or picked on by parents to the extent that we were driven inward, towards the machine, towards the code and away from the responsibility of external relationships with real people.

  • One quick win is to practice avoiding words that signal blamer mode (always, never, only, everybody, anybody, ever, not even, once) If you know of things you’ve said in a code review that are in blamer mode, can you think of a way to re-phrase them?
  • Watch this talk by Jenn Turner about Non-violent communication from Cascadia.js. She brought the house down and her talk was recorded.
  • Read more about Satir Modes in More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense or start at the source with Virginia Satir’s groundbreaking classic, New Peoplemaking.
  • Read about non-violent communication in the book, Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg and Arun Gandhi

Forgive yourself for mistakes you’ve made and take a deep breath! You get to try again tomorrow.

A big thanks to Doc for helping me put together this post and to Sarah Mei for organizing the SF Ruby Meetups.

Underwater Blues: Getting Down into the Second Draft

“You see, in my view a writer is a writer not because she writes well and easily, because she has amazing talent, because everything she does is golden. In my view a writer is a writer because even when there is no hope, even when nothing you do shows any sign of promise, you keep writing anyway.”

Junot Díaz

From Becoming a Writer/ The List, O Magazine, November 2009

 

It is easy to write the first draft.

Starting with a blank page means that your characters can be anyone you want.  The story world is yours to build anywhere you choose.  It’s easy to tell yourself that eventually the plot points will line up, the heroine will save the day and maybe end up with a hot guy.  This is because the first draft is essentially a brain dump, the worst version that will exist.  Expectations are low.

By the second draft, however, you are working with something that came before.  There will still be big changes, but they have to fit in with the existing framework.  The blank pages that caught tragic flaws and mistakes so easily before are now filled with words that can be their own sticky web of tangles and snarls.  The layers of story you’ve built might fit together but it’s more likely they’ll run over each other or sit across the widest chasm waiting for the bridge you have to build between them.

It can be hard to feel forgiveness in your own writing.

Even worse, life and world events change your perspective on your own story and what used to look like a battle to save the world is now chick lit where the heroine’s big task is rearranging her closet…in 300 pages.

There is also the fatigue.  In the first draft, you are a fresh-faced, new grad with no mistakes or missteps marring your record.  As the plot winds on, however, every challenge seasons you.  For the most part this is good, but in the second draft, self-doubt can creep in as you read back over your previous pages.  The shitty first draft you wrote turns into its own performance review and your own words tell you that you are, undoubtedly, under-performing.

That under-performance affects what you think you’re capable of writing next or whether you are capable of building the bridge.  The inner critic shows up to explain in voluminous detail how each word is a failure and the tragic flaws of your characters become your own.  Instead of your monumental achievement, your precious first draft becomes the written warning sent by certified mail and you are on notice about your own writing.

This can be a death spiral.

It is important to recognize the inner critic if only to banish it.  Everyone, no matter what they do, has one of these.  Sometimes, it’s your past coming back to haunt you, which is truly sad.   No one deserves being made to feel as if everything they do or write is a mistake, but for too many people, at some stage in their lives, a person exists who does that very thing.  Even if it’s only your own internal pressures, it’s important to learn how to let go of these harsh voices and continue laying down the pages word by word.

Letting go is the key.  Letting go is how your initial draft came to be in the first place. It is the release from your own high expectations or any thoughts that this next draft will be better at all than the last one.  Even if it is worse, who is counting?

So let go of the page count and the chapters.  Let go of the location of your story and your character’s point of view.  Let go of what must be and let go of “the message.”  It’s ok to float and ok to release what you knew about your story.  Let it all go, all of it.

I’m sure that for every story, there are some pieces that float away and won’t return, but there are also the pieces that stay.  This is the kernel of truth about your story and this kernel makes it the story that only you can tell.

When I let go, my characters come back to me.  They take my hand and they walk me back to the story world we created together.

We are walking and I am writing.

Signal Gathering: An evening of talks with Ashe Dryden and Friends

Les Speakers photo credit Lillie Chilen (@lilliealbert)
Les Speakers photo credit Lillie Chilen (@lilliealbert)

 

In my credo, I state that I will always be a writer first.  I’m working on the 2nd draft of a novel, I write everyday and I attend a writing class every other week.  This class is precious to me, but recently, I made the extremely painful decision to skip a writing class in order to attend the event “An Evening of Talks with Double Union and Ashe Dryden.”

 

And so I gathered with others, our reflections co-mingling with the Bay lights in abstract patterns and crossing signals releasing an energy collected  through resistance into the San Francisco night.  The purpose of the evening was to raise funds for San Francisco’s first feminist hacker/maker space, Double Union.  You can read more about that effort, here.

 

The featured speakers were Ashe Dryden (@ashedryden), Valerie Aurora (@adainitiative), Missy Titus (@missytitus), Dr. Kortney Ryan Zeigler (@fakerapper), Alaina Percival (Women Who Code) @alaina, Shanley Kane @shanley, Amelia Greenhall @ameliagreenhall.

 

It was refreshing that:

  • I didn’t have the usual space bubble around me that I normally do at tech events.  Unless I go with someone, I find most meet ups and conferences are actually pretty lonely and there is usually this space bubble of a chair in every direction between me and other people even if I use double deodorant.  Ok, it’s usually guys who are at the outer edge of the bubble.  Although I didn’t know too many people, the crowd was quite friendly which cut down slightly on the terror.  (Yes, I actually am very shy like everyone else in tech).
  • Shanley’s slides emphasized the general state of fucked up-edness in tech and software and it was like basking in the harsh daylight of reality.  We need more of this.
  • There were none of those stupid, heckling, troll-types in the audience discounting the points the speakers were making or trying to play the speakers off of one another.  I get so sick of stupid people saying, “well HER blah blah blah was SO MUCH BETTER.” Like it’s only ok to allow 1 female to be good at anything.  There were 7 people on that stage and they were all awesome.

 

What I learned:

  • That I need to take stock of my own privilege.  I hadn’t heard about this before last night, but it makes sense.  Before you can understand who is different from you, it’s important to know your own self and the benefits that you’ve had in life.
  • Ashe Dryden suggested wearing a color to a conference and introducing yourself to others wearing the same color so you get a different type of cross-section.  I really want to try this and see what happens.
  • There is a need for a harassment policy at every conference, even ones that are all women because women can be homophobic and/or culturally insensitive.  I’ve reached out to Cascadia.js about their policy and pointed them towards the template on geek feminism.org
  • I’m really really really really done with tone policing myself online, on my blog, etc.  Although I’m already fairly WYSIWYG in my writing and in life, I can do better.  This includes engaging with men I know already in the tech community.  The post I wrote on Medium still stands because I’m committed to supporting people around me when they try to do better.  It’s just that I’m done with people patronizing me or playing me off of other women online.  This will likely require me to educate myself more about feminism, and I look forward to that.
  • I want to write more about diversity in tech AND THAT’S OK.  I can write as many blog posts as I want about being a woman working in tech AND THAT’S OK TOO.  I’m tired of feeling guilty every time I have an idea for a blog post on gender or diversity as if I’ve written too much about it or that the world doesn’t need to hear more.  At this point, I’ve written a few (Links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and every time I think to myself, “How badly do I need to say this at the expense of looking less technical.”  This is who I am and what I want to write about it.  If you want technical, go check my Github. FUCK IT.

 

The Bay Lights on Bay Bridge, San Francisco
The Bay Lights on Bay Bridge (romanboed)

I feel an awakening in the tech world and in San Francisco.

It’s needed in many ways.  Aside from the misery of the many who are marginalized, tech has been invading San Francisco’s friendly, collaborative culture and razing it to make way for Nerds Acting Like Jocks.  It’s about time some of San Francisco began bleeding into some part of the tech community because we’ve bled enough of our own city.

Ashe specifically mentioned the need for everyone in the room to bust out of our own tech bubble and put more energy into experiencing the non-tech world.  In San Francisco, we live in the heart of the counter-culture and it’s time to be more open to the lessons our neighbors and our city have to teach us.

Even without much of a membership or much of a space, the collective of people that makes up Double Union has already managed to bring us together in a way that reverberates through time and our own static-y channels.  It was a privilege to attend this signal gathering.

 

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A little humor for those conference woes

There is a lot of pain and angst around the topic of the treatment of women at tech conferences right now (which will not be rehashed here).  Opinions are wide and varied and feelings are running high.  In the United States, we’ve actually been here before and on an even wider scale.

In the 1980’s, when Clarence Thomas was the first African American to be considered for supreme court justice, the highest judicial office, he was accused by law professor Anita Hill of sexual harassment.  It touched off a broad national discussion about the appropriate workplace treatment of women (and men). Rather than spend this post, comparing the two events, I’d like to offer up some humor.

One of the most popular American shows in the ’80’s was Designing Women.  It was a comedy driven by the, mostly, female characters in the cast  and took place in my hometown of Atlanta, Georgia.  During the furor of Clarence vs. Anita, Designing Women devoted an entire show to examining this topic.

There are times when comedy and fiction are better at capturing multiple sides of a tricky issue than any expert opinion or news coverage.  This particular episode of Designing Women falls into that category.  There’s not much you need to know about the characters or even the larger situation of Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill to get the humor.

It is likely that this YouTube link will not stay up forever, but if you’re hurting after the latest series of events, I hope this episode will at least give you a laugh or two.

The Strange Case of Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill

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Freedom Writing

Martin Luther King leaning on a lectern. Deuts...
Martin Luther King (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Growing up in The South, or, more specifically, in the city of Atlanta, Georgia, I was exposed to plenty of civil rights history.  As someone who considers herself a southern expat, much of that history burned a deep hole inside my chest.  In 2nd grade, I was taken to the birthplace of Martin Luther King, Jr. and taught about segregation.  It came as quite a shock since all of my friends were black and I previously had no concept of race.

 

Racial inequality is a deep thought for a six year old and it really shook me.  I continued my pondering as I grew older and visited the American Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C.  Walking through the forever tainted air of a cattle car used to shuttle Jewish people to their deaths in Nazi, Germany, the ultimate consequence of racism chilled me to the bone.  Picture it: your relatives are dying horrible, tortuous deaths all around you and you are likely next because of what you all believe or the color of your skin.  It happened in The South too.  It just wasn’t government sanctioned.

 

Even today, what I know about the history of my family’s small town in south Georgia is a white history.   The monochrome shade of it makes me wonder what has been boarded up in so many of the tumble-down, tin-roofed shacks you will pass if you journey there.

 

As a writer, I work at making everything I write a work of honesty, and what I’ve found is that the best writing always comes from the deepest feelings.  Great writing is not about the good times in life.  Great writing happens when you feel wronged or hurt or marginalized.  Writing is not a pedestrian activity.  It is the emotional equivalent of fire-breathing, flames dancing and the residual smoke that permeates for a long, long time.

 

Thus, I’m celebrating the 50th anniversary of the “I have a dream speech,” written by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a writer who swallowed more than his fair share of flames. Here is a sentence of his that has been on my mind lately:

 

“…when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six year old daughter why she can’t go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: “Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?”; when you take a cross county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading “white” and “colored”; when your first name becomes “nigger,” your middle name becomes “boy” (however old you are) and your last name becomes “John,” and your wife and mother are never given the respected title “Mrs.”; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of “nobodiness”–then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait.”

 

I first read this sentence in the book that currently tops my Goodreads shelf, “How to Write a Sentence and How to Read One” by Stanley Fish. It’s an example of a sentence built up with dependent clauses.  Whatever.

 

Even without an analysis of its grammatical brilliance, this sentence is a wildfire, and you might think that Dr. King agonized over this sentence at a desk in a nice office as he planned out his next protest, but that is WRONG.

 

Dr. King wrote this sentence on toilet paper while he was sitting in a jail cell after protesting to end segregation.  This is what happens when a brilliant writer and thinker has something to say and manages to get it down on paper in the moment.

 

While today we are celebrating the 50th anniversary of Dr. King’s “I have a dream” speech,  the letter Dr. King wrote in a Birmingham jail certainly fanned the flames which led to his march on Washington.  Godspeed, sir.

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Getting through the first draft

 

See the Australian Vampire?
The first draft: A visual

 

First a character shows up.  You see them in the shower or as you are getting yourself to work.  Some details are fuzzy, but some are plain as day.  They become someone you greet in the morning, before you rise from your bed or someone you turn to on a really bad day when it seems the whole world is against you.  Eventually, you realize that they aren’t going anywhere until you make them real on a page.

 

 

 

Thus I began my journey with just a few pages.  I typed them up, then put them away thinking, “so that’s done.”  Little did I know that my protagonist had other ideas.  I kept looking at my pages, re-reading them, adding to them and even having a couple of people read them.  The point at which they turned from pages into a “novel” is lost to me.  Perhaps it happened on the day I completed the first scene and asked myself, “now what?” or perhaps it was when I looked at it and realized I needed a writing class.

 

 

 

At this point, I was back in the U.S. from Australia, living in Mountain View, California.  As luck would have it, I had a job which allowed for easily sneaking off early once a week to drive up to San Francisco.  I found some classes at San Francisco’s Writing Salon and signed up, eventually landing in a 6 month Novel Continuation Class.  Aside from teaching me some basic elements of fiction writing, the classes taught me how to build my own writing practice and week by week over a year I managed to keep going.  I finished up on July 4th, Independence day in the U.S.

 

 

Here are some of the lessons I learned as I worked my way through:

 
You MUST lower your standards
Ira Glass, host of This American Life, hints at the conundrum of working on a first novel when he talks about beginning creative work:  You have more taste than skill.  In my case, I told myself that this first draft was supposed to be the “Twilight” version of my novel and no better.  If my pages wanted to be cheesy and awful, I let them.  If a character had an urge to do something completely “out of character,” I let them.  There are run-on sentences, phrases which are repeated too many times and I can’t even tell you what’s going on with the point of view.  For your imagination to work, it has to go where it wants to go and there’s very little steering involved when writing a first draft.  In fact, I found it useful to acknowledge that the craft side of writing exists, and to then ignore the bulk of it.

 

 
Once you get through the pages that set up your novel, you will need help with mapping the plot
Eventually you will have some vague sense of your characters and the world that they live in.  At this point, it is likely you will have to map out some of the plot.  There are different ways to do this.  I chose to read John Truby’s The Anatomy of Story which was written for film but can also help for novel planning.  Another suggestion that I might try as I work on my second draft is to read the second half of The Art of Story Engineering.  When mapping a plot, expect your page count to go down.

 

 
There are people who can write a whole novel in 6 weeks.  Screw them.
If you have a job and/or children, this will not be you.  If you manage to consistently write 5 pages a week, you’re doing great, and some weeks your page count will be as low as one or two.  If you’re sick, just give it up and get better.  The pages will be there.

 

 
Other areas of your life will suffer
This past year has seen me withdraw somewhat from blogging, and very much from attending conferences or even working on tech projects at home.  It’s been painful letting all of that go, but it needed to happen.  I don’t even promise that I’ll be picking those things back up because there’s more work for me to do on the novel.

 

 
Don’t write about tech unless you have no other choice
We’ve got 3-d printers, robots helping the elderly and cars that drive themselves.  Good luck staying ahead of that curve.  Since I began writing, the name I chose for a fictitious company has turned into a real company and meanwhile, “mobile first” is here.  After reading this interview with Warren Ellis, I made a conscious choice to stop writing in technical details because they change too quickly.  The bottom of all conflict is always inherently based on people and their relationships so I tried to focus on that as much as possible and leave the technical details for later.  It is no accident that my other ideas for novels are as far away from tech as I could make them.

 

 
You will be a different writer when you finish than you were when you started
This was something Karen pointed out in one of our classes.  As I progressed through the pages, I found myself digging into my characters more and finding that some of them were different than I had initially imagined.  In fact, some of the main plot points in the novel changed in front of me in ways I had not expected at all, yet if I go back and read the first pages, the bones were there.  My mental archaeological digging uprooted ideas buried so far down there is no way I would have seen them in the beginning.

 

 
The end of the first draft is just the beginning
So, here I am with my bag full of bones.  The next step is to assemble this Pterodactyl.

 

 

 

 

digi.lit – ism

Was the last book you read a printed book?  I’m guessing it wasn’t.  Maybe it was a book on the kindle or a graphic novel on your iPad or a novel in serial form you read on your phone from any of several vendors.

As a blogger sitting on the first draft of my first novel, it’s never been a question to me of “if” I will self-publish, but when and where.  I’m still working through craft issues and I know that there is more work ahead before I release, but even outside of that, I find what is happening in publishing to be completely fascinating.  For these reasons, this past Saturday I attended the digi.lit conference on digital publishing put together by the organizers of San Francisco’s LitQuake literary festival.

The saying is typically that things change by the minute, but in publishing, it’s changing by the nanosecond.   The amount of time between the word hitting the page and the reader having it in their hands is drastically shrinking even to the point of writers releasing their work in a more serial format.  In the case of many of peers in Software Testing (Hello Elisabeth, Mike, Alistair, Cheezy, and Alan) they are publishing on Lean Pub and iterating on their work.

With the game re-arranging itself at such a fast pace, I’ve had a lot questions as I’ve been working on my draft and I’ve even seen some of those questions answered or change over time.  Here are some of the questions I had during the conference today.  Not all of them have answers, but I’ll leave those unanswered questions as a place marker or invitation for a blog comment.

Q:  I have a draft.  I wanna e-publish.  Now what?

A:  You could hang that draft out there for all to see, but it would likely be caught adrift in the tubez.  Literary agent April Eberhardt is of the opinion that 95% of e-books are not edited or layed out well or have crap covers.  Having read more than a few these, I tend to agree.  April suggests that you need to at least:
1.  Engage an editor so that you don’t have typos and so that your sentences flow well
2.  Get yourself a “good” book cover.  As an example, she suggested Holly Payne’s “Kingdom of Simplicity.”

Q: Should I plan on having some printed copies?

A:  This question gets to the heart of what is currently a huge tension within the world of self-publishing.  Fact: E-books require far less work to publish and market than printed books.  However, if you want your book to be reviewed, or if you want to engage the community that is physically around you to read your book, you will likely need some that are printed.

In all of the discussion I heard, the conclusion I came to about ebooks and independent booksellers is that the relationship between ebooks and independent booksellers is very murky waters.  A major and, I believe, unintentional theme of the conference was the hate-hate relationship between independent booksellers and Amazon.  It was emphasized that if you want an independent bookseller to carry your book, you shouldn’t be telling people to only go to Amazon on your web-site.  Ultimately, this is one of the questions that I haven’t answered for myself yet, but I also expect more change in this space before I have to worry about it.

Q: When should I start marketing my work?

A: The suggestion was repeatedly made that the time to start marketing a book is yesterday.  So much was said in this particular session about “building your marketing platform,” by blogging and tweeting, but, by all means “do what makes you comfortable.”

I couldn’t help but listen feeling very tongue-in-cheek about it.  On the one hand, I’ve been working on my novel for over a year by getting up every morning and writing.  I’m definitely interested in doing what I can to sell it when the time comes. OTOH, social engineering makes me throw up in my mouth a little.  I think every blogger will know what I’m talking about.  So far, I’ve always erred on the side of authenticity and I don’t really think that’s going to change, although I can see putting up a badge and blogging about a book I’ve published every now and them.   As a whole, the conference did inspire me to blog a little more.  I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Q: How much should you really shell out for a cover if it’s just an ebook?

A: Aside from getting your book edited, the other standout piece of advice that was mentioned over and over was to invest in a book cover that doesn’t suck.

In the panel discussion, “Judging a Book by its Cover:  The Potential of Graphics,” Geary Zendejas said that you have 6-8 seconds to sell your book on a web-site.  He also mentioned that research indicates book covers for ebooks that sell are very, very different from covers of print books that sell.  For ebooks, large typography draws the most attention but for printed books it’s more about photography, detail, texture and feel.  In the session on marketing, independent bookstore owner Christin Evans mentioned that for printed books, it is not just about the cover, but it’s also about the spine.  My personal philosophy is that you can sell anything with a cat on it, so maybe I’ll just stick with that.

My takeaways

  • It’s time to get back to the basics of blogging.  This isn’t even about blogging more.  What people forget about blogging is that it really is a two way straight where you’re participating in a community.  For myself, I plan on reading more of other people’s blogs and leaving comments.  It might sound cheesy, but I believe in having a shared pool of knowledge with active participants.
  • It’s time to get to know some of San Francisco’s independent booksellers.  I’m privileged to live in a city that is rich in indie bookstores and a few of the owners were present at the conference.  Something that was mentioned in one of the panels is that now that the American “big box” bookstore chain, Borders, is gone and Barnes & Noble is hanging on by its fingernails, indie bookstores are experiencing their own renaissance. I’m planning an upcoming post about this.
  • Expect change.  If you think things move fast in tech, try publishing.  I mean, who knows, the ebook market could collapse in a year!  Amazon could descend into chaos!  That ok.  If everything goes south, I’m sticking to my philosophy that you can sell anything with a cat on it.  I’ll just switch all of the hackers in my novel from humans to cats.  It’ll be great!